Because there are some things that I must see, no matter the circumstances. Whether it’s the latest big-budget blockbuster, an appearance by one of my favorite actors or the bomb of the year, I am going to be watching.
And that’s why we have this week’s eclectic grouping of films – I needed to see them all. Do you? We’ll find out.
SLASHER CLASSIC, REVISITED
I was both eagerly anticipating and nervously dreading the FRIDAY THE 13TH (R, hhh) remake ever since it was announced. I love the “Friday” movies for all their cheesy badness, and didn’t want to get some watered-down flick that threw out 20-plus years of cinematic history.
Adding to my worry was the Michael Bay factor. His production company, Platinum Dunes, has made a mint by strip-mining horror flicks of the ’80s and giving them a flashy sheen suitable for today’s ADD-addled teens.
In the end, however, I have to say that I was pleased with the overall result. Longtime fans of the franchise will appreciate the history and nods to the original flicks, while those folks who are coming in clean can enjoy the film on its own merits.
Essentially a hodgepodge of “Friday the 13th 1-4,” this origin story focuses on how masked killer Jason Voorhees came to terrorize the town of Crystal Lake, stopping at all the appropriate touchstones – witnessing the death of his mother, acquiring the iconic hockey mask, finding a machete, etc.
Of course, what would a Friday movie be without teen fodder? Here, our nominal hero is brooding hunk Clay (Jared Padalecki), who is searching around Crystal Lake for his sister, who disappeared with her friends more than a year ago.
He hooks up with a disposable crew of stereotypical figures, including pretty girl Jenna (Danielle Panabaker), jerky boyfriend Trent (Travis Van Winkle) and token black guy Lawrence (Arlen Escarpeta).
One by one, our crew meets its maker at the hands of the hulking Jason, who is smarter and much more mobile than in the previous films. He’s less of a zombie, and more of a super-strong psycho survivalist.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that the update brings anything new to the table; in fact, it falls into a predictable (yet enjoyable) pattern of stalk and kill fairly quickly. There are a couple of questionable decisions regarding Jason’s character, but I was willing to overlook them.
It’s rare that I look forward to something so much and am not let down – so in that case, I can say this film is a rousing success.
EASTWOOD IN FINE FORM
There is nothing better than an angry Clint Eastwood. Over the years, he has fine-tuned his grumpy-old-man persona, and GRAN TORINO (R, hhh1/2) is the proud culmination of all that hard work.
At once a simple revenge tale and a touching redemption story, the movie was one of the biggest hits of Eastwood’s career, clearing nearly $150 million at the box office – proof that I’m not the only one who likes crusty Clint.
Eastwood plays Walt Kowalski, a virulently racist, beer-swilling, retired auto worker who can barely contain his resentment of the transformation of his Detroit neighborhood into an ethnic melting pot.
Upon the death of his wife, Walt becomes even more insular, rejecting the advances of his annoying children, the well-meaning priest and the curious neighbors.
That all changes when Walt’s classic car, a 1972 Gran Torino, becomes the target of the local Hmong gang. Walt’s next-door neighbor, a tremulous boy named Thao (Bee Vang), is given the task to steal the car as part of his initiation into the gang, but when Walt stumbles upon the boy in his garage, it becomes the start of an unlikely friendship.
Before long, the irascible Walt is eating dinner with his Hmong neighbors, while all the time spouting horribly racist invective. Yet, the relationship he shares with Thao and his sister Sue are closer than the ones he shares with his own family.
And when the gang steps in to punish Thao for failing his mission, it’s Walt, 80 years old and full of brio, that strikes fear into men (boys?) one-quarter his age.
It truly is an amazing performance from Eastwood, both in front of and behind the camera. Walt is an entirely believable man, whose stubborn refusal to acknowledge the evolution of the world around him has made him a dinosaur. Yet we can see the ice beginning to thaw.
As the director, Eastwood has taken a simple story and crafted a rousing audience pleaser. I’ve heard some critics say this is a “lesser” work, but who says simple can’t be effective?
WHAT WHERE THEY THINKING?
Yes, this is prurient, but when I heard that Jessica Biel, one of the world’s hottest women, was going to be playing a stripper in POWDER BLUE (R, h), it immediately shot onto my must-see list.
And yes, while Biel does doff her clothes, it was only after I had to suffer through three-quarters of this pretentious, laughably awful “drama.”
Whatever your feelings are about the Oscar-winning “Crash,” we can all agree than an unfortunate side effect is the increase in maudlin, interconnecting dramas filled with sprawling casts of familiar faces in which the lesson is “we are all alike.” Ack.
Here, we follow the travails of a stripper (Biel), an ex-minister (Forest Whitaker, mumbling and sweating like a man possessed), an ex-con (Ray Liotta) and a mortician (Eddie Redmayne) as they muddle their way through Los Angeles at Christmastime.
Along the way, Patrick Swayze, Lisa Kudrow, Sanaa Lathan and Kris Kristofferson also show up to collect paychecks. Unlike our main stars, they were wise enough to have limited screen time.
Liotta gets out of jail and hopes to find his daughter, who happens to be Biel. Instead of telling her, “Hey, I’m your long-lost dad,” he hangs around and watches her dance and then gets a private performance for himself. Kind of weird.
Whitaker wants to kill himself because of some tragic incident in his past, but since he’s a former man of the cloth, he can’t do it and offers people $50,000 to make it happen. A little strange.
Did I mention that the mortician’s name is Qwerty, like on your keyboard? Or that Swayze shows up wearing a blond weave and eyeliner? Or that one of the main characters is buried by a freak snowstorm that hits L.A.?
I have no idea what drew these mostly talented people to this project. Actually, I do – actors always think they are making an important film, and overlook the fact that it’s actually a piece of junk.
Elliott Smith is a former Olympian reporter who lives in Seattle. He can be reached at ejsteeler@hotmail.com.
