Can't get brain around these things, or mouth around this burger

January 30, 2011 

Here's something for junior legislators up on the Capitol Campus to do while waiting for their party's leadership to make $4.6 billion in budget cuts: pass laws that fine those who violate my personal pet peeves. A few modest suggestions:

 •  People who dress up their dogs. I don’t care if you’ve recently learned how to knit, it’s just wrong to put little booties, hats or sweaters on a dog. God already gave them a coat. If you have some unresolved parental urge, be nice to the neighbor kids.

 •  Older couples who wear matching outfits. What can I say? Make up your minds.

 •  Men who wear shirts with prints on the bottom half. You look like a napkin. If you must wear this shirt at all, use it for painting the house.

 •  Restaurants that don’t understand the burger-to-bun ratio. There’s an unwritten rule that the bun – top and bottom halves combined – should not exceed the cubic volume of my burger by more than two times. In other words: (Bt+Bb)2=Bgr. How do they expect you to eat with any kind of dignity when the burger and bun are thicker than you can spread your jaws?

I wrote last week about a remarkable woman named Tracy Carli who continues to find reasons for happiness in a life marked by tragedy. She needs to renovate her home in Rainier to accommodate her disabled daughter’s needs, but she can’t afford it.

Here’s an idea. “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” is looking for families whose homes desperately need to be rebuilt. The show’s producers say they are “looking for those special people who have amazing strength of character and never give up.”

Sounds to me like the perfect description of Tracy Carli. If someone wants to get this ball rolling they can nominate the Carli family at EMHE@gmail. com by Feb. 21.

ET CETERA

As of noon on Friday, Olympia police had not reported a rash of accidents or traffic infractions caused by over-caffeinated drivers emerging from the new West Side Panera Bread drive-thru where the first 500 customers got free coffee refills on Friday. … The Olympia Downtown Association is holding its annual meeting at 6 p.m. Monday at Capital Playhouse. Ronnie Roberts, Olympia’s new chief of police is the featured speaker. … How bad is it? The recession is so bad that the Police Department in the City of Shelton is turning off 47 selected streetlights to save about $7,500 over the next four months … The Shelton Chamber of Commerce recently handled out its annual awards to Vickie Gonzales as Citizen of the Year, Susanna Samuelson as Volunteer of the Year and Pantorium Cleaners as the Business of the Year. A Lifetime Achievement award was given to Frank Bishop. … South Puget Sound Community College is hosting a Faith Forum Thursday at noon. Religious leaders such as Muhammad Ayub from the Islamic Center of Olympia, Kelsang Tsoglam from the Mahayana Buddhist Center, Rabbi Seth Goldstein from Olympia’s Temple Beth Hatfiloh and Pastor Paul Jones from Reality Church will discuss the meaning of life, humanity’s problems and searching for the solution. … Maybe they could also take a minute to explain what goes through the minds of morons like those who spray-painted hate messages on two local churches last week, because I don’t get it.

George Le Masurier, publisher of The Olympian, can be reached at 360-357-0206 or glemasurier@theolympian.com.

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