The papers were a power of attorney assigning all medical rights to my partner in case of an emergency. And indeed an emergency happened.
Out of the blue one Sunday afternoon, while sitting in the sun at Tolmie State Park, I suffered a series of brain seizures that landed me in the hospital for 20 days, 13 of them unconscious in critical care.
Because she had power of attorney, my partner of 29 years was able to make the immediate and necessary medical and personal decisions without hospital officials tracking down my mother or sister, both of whom live on the East Coast.
There also was no question that she was entitled to be by my bedside, a right denied to many unmarried couples by hospitals.
Married couples, whether they have been married for 29 years or 29 months or 29 minutes, are automatically given the rights and privileges of dictating their partners’ care, something that unmarried couples, whether same sex or not, are automatically denied.
Unless there are powers of attorney in effect.
Maybe.
It depends at least in part on where you are. Here in Olympia, hospital officials didn’t blink when my partner took charge. But it was less than five years ago that a woman from Lacey, traveling in Florida with her family, died alone, despite having proper legal documents. The hospital there refused to recognize her partner’s legal standing.
Largely in part to this tragic death, President Barack Obama issued a memorandum in April 2010 directing hospitals that receive federal funding allow patients to specify who may visit them and who may speak for them. Sounds good, but it is not law, only a memorandum, and it means the patient must be able to speak for himself or herself – either at the time or in writing beforehand.
And if the patient cannot speak and does not have the proper legal documents (that power of attorney, for instance), the hospital can do whatever it wants.
Without a POA (sometimes called a health care directive), your relationship with your partner does not exist in medical emergencies. You are just another stranger.
Powers of attorney are not hard to fill out, and, as far as legal documents go, relatively inexpensive. They are, however, absolutely vital. If you are part of an unmarried couple (same sex or not), be sure you have a valid legal document that names the person you choose as your spokesperson.
Let me say that again: Get a power of attorney.
And make sure that you have a copy handy. Keep a copy at your house, and carry another copy with you when you travel. Make sure friends know where to find the copy at your house.
On Thursday, Janice Langbehn – the surviving partner of Lisa Pond who died in that Florida hospital – and who has spent the past years working to improve the rights of gay and lesbian couples, will receive the Citizens Medal from Obama, the latest of many awards she has been awarded for her work. It’s a fitting tribute.
My partner and I received warm, loving care from doctors, nurses, technicians, and many others here in Olympia, a startling contrast to the disdain and contempt the Lacey couple encountered in Florida. Obama has taken the first small step toward making medical facilities recognize the depth and breadth of same-sex relationships. The need for a national approach is obvious.
The work that Langbehn has done is remarkable. Until we have universal rights, however, it is up to each of us to take her work one step further and protect ourselves with legal documents that hospitals must recognize.
Chris Madsen, a software developer and writer who moved to Olympia six years ago from Maine, is a member of The Olympian’s Board of Contributors. She can be reached at cetmadsen@gmail.com.
