Debate over leaving kids alone continues

Some parents say youths need to learn responsibility earlier

By Carolyn Starks and Bonnie Miller Rubin | Chicago Tribune • Published April 12, 2009

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Colleen Miller used to wait patiently in the indoor lounge of a snowboarding park while her young son spent a couple of hours on the slopes, but not anymore.

Miller recently kissed the second-grader on the cheek, told him to be a good boy and promptly left to run some errands.

The mother of five from West Dundee, Ill., said she came to realize her son was independent enough to manage on his own and that those few hours were too precious to waste.

"It doesn't mean you don't worry, but you do have to let go," Miller said.

Giving school-age children more independence is a scary thought for parents accustomed to keeping them on a short leash. Still, some parents are backing off, realizing neither they nor their offspring benefit from the unceasing vigilance that has long been one of the benchmarks of parenting, experts say.

The trick, they say, is balancing self-reliance and safety, an issue that challenges parents from the moment their tot first clambers onto a tricycle. Should a kid walk to school alone? Use the stove? Public transportation? Have a cell phone? The debate over how closely to hold the reins has raged since around 1900, according to Ann Hulbert, author of "Raising America: Experts, Parents and a Century of Advice About Children."

"We are a child rearing-obsessed society," she said. "The culture puts far more emphasis on parental supervision today than a couple generations ago ... but more and more people are talking about the need to nurture more independence."

Last spring, New York writer Lenore Skenazy set off a firestorm when she wrote about allowing her 9-year-old son to take the subway home alone. Someone alerted police and Skenazy found herself defending her decision, which she said was based on his maturity level and the safety measures she put in place for him.

Thousands of parents weighed in with reactions ranging from praise to alerting child welfare authorities over what some thought was a clear case of neglect.

The controversy prompted a national debate in the media and a Web site called "Free Range Kids" — just one of several dedicated to "sane parenting."

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