When potty party ends, try to relax

By Angie Wagner | For The Associated Press • Published November 16, 2008

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"Sometimes stress can come from kids being pushed too hard," she said. "Sometimes regression is just because kids are looking around and saying, 'Hey, wait a minute, I'm in charge of my body.' "

I think that's what I have here with strong-willed Aubrey.

Dixon, editor of the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, also said children who are trained very young, around 18 months, are more likely to regress because they are just being compliant with a request. When they get older and realize they can make choices on their own, regression might occur.

Avoid confrontation

I was so mad at Aubrey's regression that I tried different approaches to dealing with it, none of them probably appropriate. I yelled, I tried to ask her why (that never works) and I tried to ignore it.

Dixon suggests not getting into a confrontation with a child about the regression. She said to go about it matter-of-factly and avoid making kids feel bad about themselves.

If a child wets her pants, Dixon said to say something like: "Oh-oh pants got wet," rather than "YOU wet your pants."

She said to allow the child to take charge of the issue by having them change their own underwear and put the wet ones where they should go.

Dixon is a fan of sticker charts and rewarding success after several days.

About the Barbie?

And as for the day Aubrey chose to go in her pants instead of earn the Barbie? Dixon said it was just more important for her to be in charge of herself than to have a Barbie.

She said I should have put the Barbie away and told my daughter: "When you feel like working on this again, that'll be something we can think about at another time."

Lots of kids have accidents, Dixon reminded me.

Aubrey finally earned the Barbie.

But I decided to stop stressing about the potty training. That may have been stressing her out. I stopped asking her every 30 minutes if she had to go, and something amazing happened — she told me on her own each time.

It's been a week since she's had an accident.

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