Well now we have the latest crisis in the nation. It is called “Deflate Gate.” I’m sure you are all familiar with the charges against the New England Patriots football team suspected of deflating their footballs so they can get better accuracy and easier handling. When questioned about it the coach and the quarterback pleaded total ignorance of any knowledge of the charges of violating the rules. They also denied any attempt to give themselves an edge over their opponents.
Hey what’s the big deal? This is petty stuff. If they are going to tamper with the gas content in the footballs, why don’t they really do it right? Instead of messing around with the air pressure why not change the gas in their football to helium? That would really give them an advantage over their opponents! Just think of all the improvements they could make in performance! Their quarterback could probably throw the ball about 60 or 70 yards. The punters and field goal kickers could probably add another 20-30 yards to what their averages are now. Think of it. It just might revolutionize the sport completely. We would no longer call it “Deflate Gate”, we could call it “Heiu Gate” or even, “Hel Gate”, or whatever the East Coast media celebrities are happy with, since they are the last word in name games. Who knows, the idea may go “viral” and become another “iconic” rage.