The Right Thing: Should we challenge a friend's stories about her health?

Is it wrong to call out a friend who seems to be exaggerating or making up illnesses?

A reader I'm calling Amelia wrote that she has grown increasingly concerned about a longtime friend whose stories about ailments, hospital visits and self-diagnosed conditions seem to shift depending on the audience. For years, Amelia has sympathized with her friend's plight, but she now worries that failing to challenge her may be encouraging dishonest behavior.

While Amelia may suspect her friend is exaggerating, it's often hard for any of us to know the details of another person's health. Some medical conditions are difficult to see and hard to diagnose. Those of us who are not medical professionals are rarely in a position to judge another person's condition. Certainly, Amelia's friend may be exaggerating or lying, but it could be that she, like many others, isn't particularly good at describing her condition.

Nevertheless, Amelia may be correct that her friend is making stuff up to garner sympathy or attention. But is it Amelia's role to police her friend's behavior?

If Amelia's friend is spinning stories that do not appear to cause anyone immediate harm, then perhaps the best response for Amelia is to listen and, if these discussions annoy her, try to move the conversation onto a different topic. If the friend's stories are affecting her and Amelia's relationship, then Amelia would be right to try to figure out if their friendship can be maintained.

Friendships sometimes require difficult conversations.

Amelia can choose to talk with her friend about her concerns. If Amelia's friend seems to be causing harm to herself or to others, then staying silent shouldn't be an option.

Rather than try to call her friend out in public, Amelia's better course of action may be to talk privately with her friend. She can tell her that she's confused and worried because of the increased frequency or inconsistencies with her medical stories. There's no need for Amelia to call her friend a liar. Calling her friend a liar rather than trying to discuss the situation with her is likely to shut down any conversation before it begins.

Amelia's friend might admit that she has exaggerated or fabricated some of her stories. She may also insist the stories are true. But an honest and calm discussion may also reveal that she is struggling with something she has not known how to explain clearly. Amelia's willingness to listen could help her friend address whatever is really going on.

She can find a way to speak honestly with her friend without judging her since she likely doesn't have complete knowledge of the situation. Being a good friend doesn't require Amelia to blindly believe everything her friend tells her, nor does it require her to call her out among other friends when she believes she's acted fraudulently. There's no upside to publicly exposing or shaming her friend. If she would like her friendship to continue, the right thing for Amelia is to figure out a way to show compassion while setting limits.

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This story was originally published June 9, 2026 at 1:27 AM.