Stepdaughter wears same outfit daily, prompting concerns
Dear Carolyn: My beautiful, funny, smart stepdaughter started high school this year. Like many kids, the pandemic was very hard on her. It exacerbated her feelings of awkwardness and being out of place.
She’s also dealing with some body image issues lately. She visits her dad and me on weekends and school breaks. Since January, I’ve only really ever seen her wear one outfit. She’ll wear comfy clothes around the house, but she wears the same outfit if we go anywhere, even multiple days in a row. When we’ve visited her after school at her mom’s house, she’s wearing the outfit.
She’s a clean kid and doesn’t smell, but I’m really concerned that a kid who feels this awkward is going to get eaten alive in high school.
I’ve tried to get her clothing of a similar style and she’ll say she likes it but will never wear it. Do we bring it up with her? Or just let her find out the hard way? I want home to be a soft place to land for her, but also don’t like the idea of setting up a sweet kid for failure. She won’t go shopping with me. I’ve tried.
- Concerned
Concerned: If the exact components of The Outfit are still available in stores, then order some backups. Otherwise let it go. She needs her people at home to accept and believe in her more than she needs variety in her clothes.
Readers’ thoughts:
- This is my daughter to a T. She has been like this her whole life. She is highly intelligent. I, too, worried about the judgment from peers (still do), and anytime she asked for clothing (and only when she asked) I obliged. I also made it clear (in general) that she can always stick up for her choices, and decide for herself what is important. Some of the most successful and intelligent individuals have done similar, wearing the same thing or similar: Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Barack Obama, etc.
- In the summer before 7th grade, my son asked me to buy him four identical pairs of pants and eight identical red turtleneck shirts. That fall, I got a call from the guidance counselor, uncomfortably and politely asking me if I was aware of the fact that he wore the same clothes every day - clearly there was some concern that he wasn’t wearing clean clothes. I was with a client when I got the call, and because it was from the school, I excused myself and answered it. I burst out laughing and explained that he bathed and changed his clothes daily, that his clothes were washed regularly, but he just didn’t want to have to make any more decisions and decided to wear the same thing. I found out later that his look was so distinctive that another kid was him for Halloween.
- I was this teen and my grandparents forced me to wear new clothes and it scarred me for life. I still have major clothing issues at 44. Let her be and be supportive. Also for me the attachment to one piece of clothing had its roots in trauma and the desire to control one aspect on my life. The best thing you can do is be a loving supportive ear.
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This story was originally published September 17, 2025 at 11:20 AM with the headline "Stepdaughter wears same outfit daily, prompting concerns."