Why the ‘Forgotten Years' of Childhood Matter More Than Parents Think

The years between early childhood and adolescence are often overlooked.

Parents are warned about the “terrible twos” or “threenagers,” but there's a fundamental shift experts say is among the most important in shaping who a child becomes.

“Middle childhood” typically refers to ages six to nine, and according to clinical psychologist Dr. Martha Deiros Collado, it's a phase that doesn't always command parents' attention in the same way.

"I think of them as the ‘forgotten years' because they are wedged between the intensity of toddlers and early childhood and the drama that the adolescent years brings," she told Newsweek.

While children at this age may appear more independent and less demanding, their development is still in a critical phase.

"In terms of emotional, psychological and social development, these are the years where the foundation of children's self-esteem, social identity and critical thinking skills are laid out," Dr. Martha said.

That outward independence can be misleading. As children grow more capable, parents may feel able to step back, but the skills developing during this stage require active support.

One key change is emotional awareness. Children in middle childhood begin comparing themselves to others more frequently, which can lead to feelings of shame or failure if left unaddressed.

At the same time, their social world becomes more complex, with friendships involving greater emotional nuance but not always the skills to manage it.

"Feeling excluded, left out, or speaking mean words to friends is coming at this age," Dr. Martha explained. "[They need] focused support from loving adults to… help teach children healthy social communication skills that build their relationships."

School psychologist Alex Anderson-Kahla said these comparisons often intensify as children reach later primary school years.

"They start to become more conscious and aware of how they measure up against siblings and classmates," he said. "They notice who is good at school, who is athletic, who gets into trouble, and they begin to figure out where they stand in all that mix."

By around fourth or fifth grade, these differences in confidence and social standing can become more visible. Children who feel they don't fit in may withdraw or avoid participating in class, he added.

Despite this, signs of struggle are not always obvious. Anderson-Kahla said parents should look beyond surface behavior.

"Struggling doesn't always look like sadness, especially in children where anxiety, loneliness and low self-esteem can show up as anger, people pleasing or aloofness," he said.

Physical symptoms, such as frequent stomachaches or headaches before school-known as somatization-can also be an early warning sign, along with disrupted sleep or a sudden loss of interest in activities and friendships.

The way parents respond during this stage can have long-lasting effects. Research consistently links self-esteem, friendship quality and family support in middle childhood to wellbeing in adolescence and beyond.

A study by Franco and Levitt, for example, found that both family support and friendship quality in middle childhood were associated with higher self-esteem in children.

"When parents support children through this, they can enter adolescence feeling capable, confidence and with a sense of themselves rather than a need to please others for acceptance," Dr. Martha said.

Rather than focusing on fixing problems, she advises parents to prioritize connection. That means listening without immediately trying to solve issues, and helping children develop their own problem-solving skills.

"Offer them language that builds their ability to problem-solve and build social confidence," Dr. Martha said. "Rather than, ‘Next time you tell Suzy she is being mean and you walk away.'

"Try something that sounds more like, ‘If Suzy does this again, what could you do or say? Who might help you?'"

Creating regular, low-pressure opportunities for conversation is also key, particularly as children begin to share less about their inner lives. Everyday moments-such as car rides or mealtimes-can become important spaces for open dialogue.

In Dr. Martha's house, she has blocked out Sundays for quality time as a family.

Both experts said the importance of protecting time for unstructured play and rest, especially as academic and social pressures increase.

Middle childhood may look calm on the surface, but Dr. Martha said it's a key stage in building identity, confidence and critical thinking, shaping how children move into adolescence.

"Children look like they need less of your parenting time, but the reality is they need a different focus, which is no longer on building visible everyday skills but growing greater nuance in social, emotional and problem-solving skills that set them up to better move through the stormy years of puberty,” she said.

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This story was originally published May 24, 2026 at 2:00 AM.