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If You've Ever Been Attracted to a Couple, You Might Be Symbiosexual

By Gabrielle Kassel Men's Journal

Updated July 8, 2026 2:37 PM

There's a running joke (and plenty of memes) about non-monogamous couples approaching hot single women, seeking a threesome with the line, "We couldn't help but notice you from across the bar." If you've experienced the reverse of that scenario, unable to help but notice a hot couple across the bar, you might identify with symbiosexuality. "Symbiosexuality describes the unique attraction one feels towards a pre-existing couple," Sally W. Johnston, Ph.D, a professor of human sexuality now working at Seattle University, who coined the term, tells Men's Journal. "It names the strong draw someone might feel towards the energy, dynamic, power, or aesthetic of a relationship," she says.

Odds are you haven't heard of symbiosexuality before-unless you're a sexuality researcher or sex therapist yourself. Unlike the other sexual identity labels, like gay, lesbian, and bisexual, symbiosexual is relatively new to the lexicon. The term was created by Johnston and colleagues when their research revealed, as Johnston puts it, "real evidence that there are people who experience this attraction."

With that in mind, we spoke to sex and relationship therapists and experts about what symbiosexuality means, how it may manifest in your dating or sex life, and what to do if the concept resonates with you. Ahead, a cheat sheet to symbiosexuality, complete with expert-backed tips for exploring your own (symbio)sexuality.

What Is Symbiosexuality?

Symbiosexuality Definition

"Symbiosexuality is an orientation that involves being attracted not just to one or two (or more) individuals-but to the relationship dynamic between them," says Heather Shannon, LCPC, CST, a licensed professional counselor, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and host of the Ask a Sex Therapist podcast.

The distinguishing feature of symbiosexuality that makes it so different from other sexualities is that the attraction is to the couple as a unit-not just, or necessarily, towards the individuals within that unit, says Johnston.

Most commonly, symbiosexuality manifests as a non-partnered individual having an interest in joining an existing dyad. However, it may also involve someone feeling a strong pull towards a pre-existing triad, polycule, or chosen family. It's also not experienced exclusively by single people-someone symbiosexual who is already partnered may feel enchanted by another relationship, and able to seek out a relationship with that couple if they're also in an open relationship with their current partner.

Related: Is Monogamy Right For You?

What Symbiosexual People Are Attracted to

According to the research, there are many different aspects of a partnership that someone might find attractive. Every symbiosexual person is different, but researchers identified these key themes:

1. Energy: Many research participants report being drawn to the synergy-that buzzy, ping-pong-like energy-that can emerge from a happy relationship. "It's an attraction to that thing created by two people that is bigger than either of them on their own," says Rachel Wright, LMFT, a New York-based licensed psychotherapist. Often, this manifests as someone not being able to look away from a couple as they talk with and tease one another, she says.

2. Aesthetic: "There are times when people just look really good together, so that's hot," said one of the research participants. For some, it's the aesthetic similarities that's hot. (Think: two artists or two athletes). But for others, it's the contrast that drives 'em wild.

3. Power: "A lot of people report being drawn to the power coming off of some couples," says Johnston. The desire can lie merely in witnessing that power in space, she says. But it can be rooted in the fantasy of being overpowered by a couple, she says; for the latter group, "it's something akin to a submission kink," she says.

4. Relationship Quality: "Many interviewees named feeling attracted to relationships that were strong, loving, healthy, and had great communication," says Johsnton. Nothing beats witnessing what you perceive as true love between partners. But especially for someone who didn't grow up seeing happy, loving relationships, seeing one can be intoxicating.

5. Playfulness: The pervasive ball-and-chain narratives can make it seem like relationships are all doom and gloom. But actually, relationships can be a source of play! Many of the interviewees reported being drawn to a certain level of playfulness within a partnership, notes Johnston, which can often be felt energetically and seen through markers such as giggles and grins.

6. Queerness: "It's possible to be attracted to expression(s) of queerness a couple exhibits," says certified sex therapist Casey Tanner, LCPC, CST, founder and CEO at The Expansive Group, a queer sex therapy practice, and author of Feel It All. Some research participants report finding it affirming of their own bisexuality or pansexuality to be attracted to multiple gender expressions within a pre-existing unit. Others like the "gender fuckery" of some couples (i.e. a straight-presenting couple where the woman might come off as the more masculine partner and the man might be more feminine, or a couple in which both parties exist outside the gender binary).

How Symbiosexuality Differs From Other Forms of Attraction

To date, symbiosexuality is the only term that names an attraction to a pre-existing relationship, rather than one individual.

Shannon explains: "Being attracted to an individual relies on attraction to their individual qualities," she says. "It could involve thinking they look great, are witty and charming, or have an air of confidence," she says.

Being attracted to a relationship, however, relies on attraction to its unique synergy. "You might feel magnetized towards the couple's connection, shared value, aesthetic look, power dynamic, expression of queerness, or the ways their personalities compare and contrast," says Tanner.

Some people also report enjoying being taken under the spell of-or even submissive to-the power of a couple, as well as feeling the power of their joint attention and devotion, adds Johnston.

Symbiosexuality vs. Polyamory, Swinging, and ENM

A Venn diagram of symbiosexuality and relationship styles like polyamory, swinging, and ethical non-monogamy (ENM) would certainly have some overlap-but they're not the same thing.

"Polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and swinging are relationship structures or practices that describe how people structure their relationships, while symbiosexuality is not," says mental health expert and sex therapist Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, director of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. Instead, symbiosexuality describes what-or more specifically, whom-someone finds attractive.

Here's a closer look:


Concept	What It Describes
Symbiosexuality	Pattern of attraction toward the connection, chemistry, or dynamic in a pre-existing relationship
Polyamory	Relationship orientation marked by the capacity for multiple loving relationships; or, relationship structure involving multiple consensual romantic relationships
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)	Umbrella term for consensual relationship structures that are not monogamous
Swinging	A sexual practice that centers on a couple exploring sexually with those outside the primary partnership-often as part of broader lifestyle

Can Someone Be Symbiosexual and Monogamous?

You bet! "Someone symbiosexual can be polyamorous, monogamous, a swinger, or not actively practicing any particular relationship style," says Kahn. That's because symbiosexuality describes whom someone might be drawn to, rather than prescribing a particular way of organizing a relationship.

So, one symbiosexual person might pursue polyamorous relationships that allow them to explore those attractions directly. But another might themselves consistently be drawn to the chemistry between two people, but ultimately decide that a monogamous partnership best aligns with their values, needs, or lifestyle.

Common Misconceptions About Symbiosexuality

Myth: It's Just Wanting to Be A Unicorn

"Unicorn describes a role, while symbiosexuality describes one reason why someone might occupy that role," Wright tells Men's Journal. For the uninitiated, a unicorn is a person-stereotypically, a bisexual woman-who joins an existing couple, usually for a night or two of fun.

"Plenty of people date or sleep with couples for reasons unrelated to being attracted to the dynamic," says Wright. A symbiosexual person, however, is specifically drawn to the connection between the two people, she says.

In other words, "some unicorns are symbiosexual, but many are not," says Wright. Likewise, "you can absolutely be symbiosexual without ever taking on a unicorn role," she says.

It's worth noting that some people find the term ‘unicorn' dehumanizing as it invokes a creature that literally doesn't exist. With that, Wright says one benefit of emerging symbiosexuality research is that it gives language to-and therefore helps legitimize-a genuine pattern of attraction, rather than just describing the slot a person fills, she says.

Myth: It's the Same as Being Polyamorous

While labels like symbiosexual and polyamorous can help people understand themselves and communicate desires to partners and potential suitors, they describe entirely different things.

"Symbiosexuality is an attraction to the dynamic, connection, and/or energy shared between people in an existing relationship," says Kahn. Polyamory, by contrast, is a relationship orientation and structure centered around having multiple loving relationships at once, they say.

There can certainly be overlap: Someone symbiosexual may dream of being in a throuple, which is generally considered a polyamorous relationship structure. But it's also possible to be polyamorous and have no particular attraction to couples as a unit. Many polyamorous people date multiple individuals who are not coupled up with one another.

Myth: It's Not a Real Attraction Pattern

"There is real evidence that people feel a pull to couples in a way symbiosexuality describes," says Johnston. In her 2024 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, findings indicated that a diverse group of people experiences symbiosexual attraction. The current data suggest that not only is the pattern real, but the experience can be strong, frequent, and/or pervasive, she says.

Myth: Everyone Who Dates Couples Is Symbiosexual

"It's definitely not true that everyone who dates a couple is symbiosexual," says Johnston. A symbiosexual person might date a couple specifically because they are attracted to the synergy between the pre-existing couple, she says.

But people date couples, however, for all sorts of reasons. Some feel a pull toward each individual within that pre-existing couple, rather than toward the couple as a unit. Others enjoy group sex, find it affirms their (bi)sexuality or relationship orientation, or report that it otherwise aligns with their values and desires.

How to Explore If You Are Symbiosexual

Reflect on Your Attraction Patterns

Hate to break it to you, but there is no Myers-Briggs-esque test that will clue you into your sexuality. The only way to know? Get curious about your own patterns, per Tanner.

If you find-or have found-yourself drawn to a couple, take a beat to consider the nature of that pull. Ask yourself: Am I excited about connecting with each member individually? Or am I more excited about connecting with them as a unit? Do I want to be part of what they have? Or do I want something like what they have?

If your answers suggest that it is, in fact, the couple that you're drawn to, Tanner suggests taking the reflection deeper. "You can suss out whether your symbiosexuality expresses itself more emotionally, romantically, and/or sexually by considering what kinds of interactions with the couple would feel most gratifying," they say. Consider: Am I most drawn to the stability of their existing bond, the idea of being naked with them, or the feeling of being chosen by them?

If there is a specific couple you're drawn to, Tanner also recommends reflecting on whether you are actually interested in cultivating something with them-or simply enjoying the fantasy of it. "Consider whether or not you have the bandwidth to, and are you interested in, developing the skills that it takes to advocate for yourself when entering a dynamic where two people already have history, routines, shared language, and existing agreements," Tanner says.

You also want to be honest about whether you are idealizing the relationship, and if you'd be able to tolerate the complexity that may come with entering an established relationship dynamic, says Tanner. After all, dating a couple doesn't just mean dating their chemistry. It can also mean navigating their conflict patterns, communication habits, boundaries, insecurities, and growth edges.

Communicate Openly With Partner(s)

Ultimately, the types of conversations you need to have and with whom will depend on your current relationship status and structure.

If you're currently single, there won't be much to discuss from the get-go. Tanner suggests being upfront about your interests when meeting new people. On an ENM-friendly dating app, for example, she suggests including a line such as:

Drawn to established chemistry between couples and open to connecting with couples who value play.
I'm attracted to the energy between partners and open to exploring it through group dates and, maybe eventually, a triad.
Sometimes I crush on the vibe between people. Couples welcome!

If you're currently partnered, however, honest communication is key. "Often, people who are symbiosexual are already in non-monogamous dynamics," says Johnston. Because these folks usually already have a precedent for discussing wants, needs, and desires with their partner(s), sharing a newfound symbiosexuality discovery can be quite straightforward, she says.

If you're currently monogamously partnered up, it can be helpful to begin the conversation by affirming your commitment to the current relationship, according to Kahn. When genuine, this reassurance helps create room for exploration while respecting everyone's autonomy and needs, they say. "As with any form of relationship-based exploration, consent, communication, active listening, and flexibility matter more than fitting any particular label," they say.

Consider Speaking With a Sex Therapist

Trained to help you identify and then create your dream dating and mating life, a sex therapist can be a wonderful resource at any stage in your symbiosexual exploration, according to Shannon.

If you've recently learned the term, a sex therapist can help you interrogate whether or not its meaning aligns with your internal self, says Shannon. Plus, "support you if you have shame, self-judgment, or confusion about being symbiosexual that's causing anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts," she says.

Therapy can also be supportive if you know you're symbiosexual, but are unsure what that means for your current and/or future relationship structure, she says. And, if you're symbiosexual and dating multiple people at once, "a sex therapist can help you manage couple privilege and figure out how to communicate your needs and find your boundaries," says Shannon.

One final note: Sex therapists have different specialties and areas of expertise, some of which are better suited to helping you explore your sexuality than others. If exploring symbiosexuality or sexuality more broadly is your main focus, Shannon recommends seeking out a therapist who is queer-affirming, polyamory-affirming, and knowledgeable about consensual non-monogamy and diverse relationship structures.

Frequently Asked Questions About Symbiosexuality

Is symbiosexuality officially recognized?

There isn't a governing body that determines whether a newly coined identity term is "official" or not.

That said, the term symbiosexuality was introduced by researcher Sally Johnston in 2024 and has since gained attention among sexuality researchers, relationship experts, and people who feel the label describes their lived experience.

Like many sexuality-related terms, its value may be less about official recognition and more about whether it helps people better understand and articulate their attractions-which it does.

How common is symbiosexuality?

"We do not yet have any sense of just how common symbiosexuality is," says Wright. In the study investigating symbiosexuality, 145 of the 373 participants surveyed-roughly 39 percent-reported experiencing attraction to a couple as a unit. The thing is, the researchers intentionally recruited queer and consensually non-monogamous participants. As a result, the findings can't be generalized to the broader population.

As a result, the findings suggest that attraction patterns associated with symbiosexuality may be relatively common within certain communities. "However, we don't yet know the prevalence rate among the general population," says Wright.

Still, Wright notes that a lack of prevalence data shouldn't be mistaken for evidence that the attraction pattern is rare. "The term is new, but the experience is not," she says. Many people may have experienced this kind of attraction without having language to describe it, she says.

This story was originally published by Men's Journal on Jul 8, 2026, where it first appeared in the Sex & Relationships section. Add Men's Journal as a Preferred Source by clicking here.

This story was originally published July 8, 2026 at 1:25 PM.