It’s the holiday surprises that stick in our memories

”Heavy weather in the Southern Ocean on Christmas Day 1989 had our ship rolling over 25 to 40 degrees, halfway between Tasmania and Antarctic,” my son said, recalling a memorable Christmas aboard the Coast Guard Icebreaker, Polar Star.

“Even at sea,” he recalled, “every day brought amazing new stories about the disintegrating Iron Curtain in Germany. Because it was Christmas Day, cooks were doing their best to hold everything together in the galley, but at some point the ship rolled deeply and rumor had it that Christmas dinner shot off the counter and exploded colorfully against the bulkhead.”

He paused to let me get the picture.

“I remember we had a lovely holiday dinner anyway, but it didn’t pay to think very carefully about how they managed to preserve the meal. I’m pretty sure it was traditional turkey with all the fixings, including many pies, mostly pumpkin. Whatever was on pages 12-48 of the Subsistence Specialist’s Handbook. It was military after all.”

”What I get from that,” he concluded, “is that Christmas memories are about where you were, who you were with, what you were doing. You almost never remember the presents.”

Correction, Number One Son. I remember the presents.

But he has a point. The gifts are not really what make the day special. For instance, we can count on wildlife, and it’s not all Rudolf.

When we cut down our tree in the wilds of Montana, whole colonies of wildlife came inside with it. Our house was so cold that the little creatures didn’t even bother to get out of the tree to set up housekeeping. Naturally it pains me to point this out, but it’s likely that there are hitchhikers in your fresh tree right now.

The most common insects potentially living in your Christmas tree are safe, non-invasive species such as aphids, spiders, mites and bark beetles. An occasional small owl or snake, of course. Maybe a woodpecker. Christmas is for everybody.

The Pest Rangers have 9 tips to keep your tree free of unwanted guests. Or, as Treehugger.com advises, you can just decorate a pineapple and call it a day.

What stands out are the Christmases that went wrong, like the year in temporary quarters at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, when a mouse kept putting his little beady rodent eye to a hole in the ceiling to watch our intimate moments. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but he gave scores.

My son recalled the year in military housing in Novato, California, when the house cat celebrated Christmas by leaving a barely consumed field mouse on the front doorstep. When they let the dog out in the morning, she happily discovered the gift and decided it was meant for her instead. So she scooped it up and brought it back in the house, with just the tail visibly hanging out of her mouth.

Horrified, they chased the dog around the living room couch to the dining table and back again, praying she wouldn’t open her mouth. The dog, of course, decided this was a fun new game meant to enhance her new gift.

My son concludes, “After three orbits, we finally caught the dog by the tail near the front door, which caused her to involuntarily open her mouth and return our gift on our front entry rug. Clean up activities delayed gift unwrapping for some time.”

Now see, it’s the heart-warming memories like that you don’t get everywhere.

The holidays keep changing. If you went over the river and through the woods to get to Grandma’s house, chances are your Google Maps aren’t working right, as the current saying goes.

The holidays will be hard for those with remembered losses and worries. My friend Barb is looking forward to Christmas with her grandson. He is a little past 4 years old, and Barb calls him her Heart Warrior because he has already had four serious heart surgeries, the last one just two months ago. Doctors say he can’t have any more surgery until he’s an adult when he will need a transplant.

Spending time with this carefree youngster you’d never believe that he’s spent his young life hooked up to wires and tubes and slowly learning what other kids take for granted, like how to swallow food. But this young man greets each day cheerfully and collapses with glee over Knock Knock jokes. His favorite is “Knock Knock,” you say. “Nobody’s Home” he replies and collapses into torrents of giggles.

My wish for you then: May your Christmas and all your holidays be filled with giggles and warm memories, and when you knock, may you always find someone at home!

Where to find Dorothy in December

• Brand new project launch: Advice you’re dying to give? 1 to 3 p.m. Dec. 13 at the Puyallup Activity Center, 210 W. Pioneer Ave, Puyallup.
• Dorothy’s podcast, Swimming Upstream Radio Show: https://SwimmingUpstreamRadioShow.com. New show every Monday.
• Contact Dorothy at 800-548-9264 or Dorothy@itsnevertoolate.com.