Wisdom for the ages: Resolve to make small changes, then help each other get through it together
My grandfather was the oldest of 24 children, born into a land-rich family in southern Italy in 1879. He grew up expecting to be heir to the family fortune. And he visualized a carefree future when he cut a dashing figure riding a white horse around the village.
I never saw my grandfather wearing anything but a three-piece suit. With his flowing handlebar mustache, he looked like any typical Italian merchant worthy of respect for his hard work. The only thing was that Grandpa never did any work at all. But the small Italian town in the south of Calabria Reggio was a sort of kindergarten for aspiring members of the mafia and apparently he took advantage of this training.
“We thought he was some sort of a law enforcement officer,” my mother recalled.
“I always knew he was a crook,” my son reflected.
By the time I knew him, his hair was iron gray and everyone was afraid of him. But I was 4, the adored granddaughter and he let me pull him around by the hand and make him hats from grape leaves.
The days around the New Year celebration are a wonderful time to recall those sentimental family stories and try to separate exaggerations from forgetfulness and outright lies. I don’t feel any obligation to point out which are which.
In my growing up days, the important thing for this time of year was making New Year’s Resolutions. Although this was supposed to be done on New Year’s Day, any of the first two weeks would do.
This was serious business and couldn’t be slighted or overlooked. We dressed in our good clothes (really!) and our parents made very pointed suggestions about the possible character-enhancing resolutions we might make.
Now we know what we knew even then — that nobody keeps those resolutions — but we were serious and often kept the resolutions for as long as a week or so. That has stayed pretty much the same today. The main difference, according to US News and World Report, is that 43% of us don’t make resolutions at all any more.
Our resolutions fail, the research continues, because we resolve to change too much. Instead of resolving to change in huge gulps, we should choose teeny tiny easily tracked bites. Or maybe we should forget the whole thing.
Grandpa and his family came to the US in 1905. They expected to strike it rich, and they started in Chicago as many Italian immigrants did.
My grandma had two babies in rapid succession. Grandpa was afflicted with False Labor Syndrome. When my Grandma took to her bed to produce one her 12 babies, she’d find Grandpa had already arrived there, green faced and nauseous. Of course it was laudable that he was concerned, but it actually didn’t make the process go more smoothly. There was only one bed.
It was my Grandfather’s baby brother who saved the family situation. As the youngest of 24, he knew the only relationship with a white horse he’d have would be to clean up after it, so my Uncle Ben came to the US prepared to work. He went to work for the railroad and was able to offer a life line to his big brother and a cleaning job for my grandma who ended up cleaning section houses all though Montana. Grandpa sat and smoked, waiting for the job with the white horse. Uncle Ben never slowed down, and lived to be a very active 104.
As I’m writing today I’m waiting for my children to come to celebrate my 91st birthday.
”Mom, that’s really old,” my son chortled. He’s not even 70, but as you get older, people seem to expect that you’ll be wiser. I don’t know why.
So that word of wisdom? It’s important to remember that what is alike is much more important than what is different. In a Bhuddist temple in 1957 in Taiwan, I saw a Chinese Grandma with bound feet bring in her little granddaughter and teach her traditional prayers and respect. We all want the same thing, I realized as I watched them. I have learned that a smile always works when you can’t find the proper word.
So what wise thing can I share? Take my hand my friend. We’re all in this together.
Where to find Dorothy in January
Catch Dorothy’s podcast, Swimming Upstream Radio Show, at https://swimmingupstreamradioshow.com.
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This story was originally published January 4, 2025 at 5:00 AM.