How do we explain Capitol chaos to kids? Take it slow and watch for prolonged anxiety
As a pro-Trump mob overtook the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday, a common refrain was heard on social media: “I don’t even know how to explain this to my kids.”
Still dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic, parents across the Puget Sound region took to social media on Wednesday to acknowledge they were having trouble helping their kids make sense of the violence and chaos in the nation’s capital.
Dr. Chris Ladish is chief clinical officer for pediatric behavior at Tacoma’s Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital and MultiCare. Ladish told The News Tribune to take things incrementally and to remember self-care.
“Yes, it is hard to explain, because these are unparalleled times,” she said.
“We’re already seeing increased rates of depression, anxiety, sense of hopelessness and helplessness. Some of it is based on just not having basic needs met, and all the environmental repercussions that are happening from what’s gone on for families,” Ladish said. “But I think the social isolation related to changes in school and work environments are impacting all of us.”
Then came angry mobs gathered not just in D.C. but at Washington state’s Capitol, bringing yet another challenge for parents and their children to process.
“I think the place to start with is just simply to ask,” Ladish said of how to check in with kids. “I think what most parents probably are doing and really well-intentioned, is wanting to sit down and package it in a way that they can explain this. And we can’t, you know, and I think what we need to do is the reverse, which is to just start with where our child is, and move alongside them and kind of move through this together.”
She noted that while it’s important to remain calm, sometimes that can come across as unfeeling.
“I think it’s OK for parents to say, ‘Yeah, that was scary for me to watch, too.’ But you can still kind of let the child know, ‘I’m here. I’m with you. I’ve got control of your world. And we’re sitting here together, and we’re going to get through this and you are safe, and we are safe. And we can talk about how you’re feeling.’”
Children often can be more resilient, particularly without a historic frame of reference that might weigh heavier on the grown-ups.
“Parents sometimes think this is going to be a major conversation. And kids might want to have a five-minute drive-by and they’re done,” she said. “It’s helpful to keep the door open to conversation. So you know, it can be a five-minute conversation today. Maybe tomorrow, it’s another five minutes ...”
She said it helps to keep the conversation going to gauge the level of interest and understanding.
“I think you want to begin small, you want to start with asking children, what they are seeing? I think sometimes as parents, we’re saying, in our mind, ‘I don’t even know where to begin.’ But the child is just seeing what they’re seeing. And they may or may not have that perspective. So I think first we want to understand, what does the child understand?”
Then, she advised asking, “Do they have questions about what they’re seeing? What are those questions, and then you kind of follow the child’s lead. I think it’s much better, and you will likely land at a place that is much less than anxiety provoking, and much more helpful for the child’s anxiety.
“I think if the child drives the conversation, and you can ask thoughtful questions. ‘Did you see the news today? What have you heard? What are your friends talking about? How did you feel about that? You know, what kind of feelings did you have on what you saw?’”
She added, “I think focusing on what we can control versus what we cannot is always a more helpful way to go. So we can control how we are safe within our own home. We can control our media exposure. We can control, you know, how we’re taking care of ourselves throughout these stressful times.”
Structure and routine both go a long way in helping to bring a sense of calm, she advised. And, know when enough is enough in terms of media.
“Keep a watch on the amount of media that we are exposing ourselves to, and that the kids are exposing themselves to, both TV and social media. ... I think at a minimum, I would say, you know, be conscious of what’s on the TV while you’re watching the TV, who’s processing the information with you,” Ladish said.
She advised monitoring symptoms of anxiety. While normal perhaps at the time of viewing the initial events, if they persist, then professional help might be needed.
“If you’re watching TV and your heart is racing, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, I think that’s a typical reaction to a very unusual circumstance that we’re dealing with right now,” Ladish said.
If those feelings persist for days or weeks afterward, it might be time to seek help, she said.
“So, if an individual is so entrenched in their feelings of anxiety, their thoughts about what’s going on, that it’s disrupting their ability to attend to what they need to attend to in their day to day life, I would say that that’s a sign that it’s interfering, and it might be worth seeking some outside support,” Ladish said.
This story was originally published January 7, 2021 at 5:10 AM with the headline "How do we explain Capitol chaos to kids? Take it slow and watch for prolonged anxiety."
