‘A safe space to dream:’ Thurston County program for at-risk youth needs more host homes
Dave and Annette have always been drawn to working with kids. Even before they were married and had three children who are now adults, they were tagged to run youth groups, coach teams and more. They even fostered children alongside raising their own kids.
“No matter how many times we tried to step away from working with kids and just raise our three at the time, we always kept getting drawn back to working with and helping kids,” Annette said.
This year, the couple became the county’s first Host Home for two Tumwater high school students living in shelters. Dave and Annette are the only ones who have committed to the program run through TOGETHER!, a nonprofit organization that serves at-risk youth from 13 to 21 years old in the South Sound.
The purpose is to help at-risk youth who are living in shelters or unstable housing by placing them with host families who support them as they work to complete high school or a GED program. But more families are needed for the program to work.
The program started taking applications this year and has identified 34 youth in Tumwater and North Thurston schools who could benefit from more support, but nobody to take them on. The directors of the program said it’s in part due to assumptions people have about the kids in need.
The Olympian agreed not to use the full names of the host family or the youth involved.
Annette said the choice to be a Host Home was an easy one. She said she grew up in an abusive home and couldn’t bear another kid going through the same thing. But she and Dave didn’t want to deal with the overwhelming legal system involved in foster care.
“For me, the idea that there’s a kid out there that needs to know they’re valued and needs that safety net, needs to know they’re loved and cared for, it’s just that pull of the heartstring,” she said.
Annette said a lot of the kids in the program have been kicked out of their homes because they’re LGBTQ+, have a different belief system or lack of one, or because their parents are medically unable to take care of them. She said no kid should be penalized for those things, so they decided to jump in.
A ‘baby step’ compared to foster care
During a presentation to the Tumwater City Council on Sept. 13, the directors of the program made it clear Host Homes is entirely separate from the child welfare system and foster care. The kids have a choice in the matter and have to willingly sign up, as well as have parent/guardian permission.
Dave and Annette described the program as a baby step toward fostering, if that’s what people are interested in doing. They said this program has much more support, both monetary and social, for the kids. And the kids have direct contact with people in the TOGETHER! program who teach them life skills, budgeting, how to get their driver’s license and more. She said those are things she and Dave help support and make happen. Dave is currently gearing up for driving lessons for their current house guest.
Annette said this program is less daunting than their experiences in foster care, since the kids want to be there. And they get to sit down with applicants to give them a rundown of their family life to see if it’s a good fit.
“It tries to be a better fit, but you’re never going to get 100%,” Annette said.
Dave said his initial reaction to hearing about this sort of program was that it seems uncomfortable. But he came to ask himself, “If not us, then who’s going to do it?”
“They’re not looking for a home because they’re bad kids,” Dave said. “They’re looking for a home because something bad happened to them.”
He joked that he wishes they would’ve had the same amount of support they have with the Host Homes program when they were raising their own kids. But it’s still raising teenagers, which comes with its challenges.
“I didn’t think I’d be stepping foot in a high school again to go to the counselor’s office or be monitoring a grade book,” Annette said. “You do those things.”
She said in their experience with kids in foster care and this program, they’ve found that kids haven’t been allowed to dream or explore new things. She said they’re trying to expose their house guests to new things like food and painting, going to the zoo and more.
“Trying new things and learning about the bigger world, and giving them the safe space to dream,” Annette said.
The couple originally had two Tumwater students under their roof, but one was able to move to a safer place, they said. But they’re hoping that student can come back to their home in a few months.
Dave said it’s fun most days, having a teenager and their friends back in the house. They can be loud, but it’s all right. The family sits down for dinner together once a week to get to know each other.
Dave and Annette said they’re hoping they can convince more people to house youth in need in their community. They’ve even volunteered to help lead workshops and trainings for other interested families.
They said they recognize the challenges of raising teenagers, but these kids wouldn’t be in their home if they came from good backgrounds.
“They might have more challenges than the average young person, but if you learn as best you can to not take things personally and to talk through things, we haven’t hit speed bumps yet with that,” Annette said.
“Any time you have a chance to do good, it’s usually inconvenient,” Dave said. “But it’s always rewarding.”
Details about the program
According to the presentation given to the Tumwater City Council, the program goes beyond high school and helps students get into independent housing once they’re adults. There are currently two students enrolled, both 15 years old, and one who is completing the application process. More than 30 students have been identified as in need of assistance.
The TOGETHER! nonprofit has a partnership with the school districts that allows them to spread the word about the program. Counselors at schools have been reaching out to parents of students in need, but the process is slow going.
Host Homes are expected to provide students with their own room, meals, and any other typical necessities. But the program has enough funds to pay for extracurricular activities, music lessons and more. The program also can pay up to $300 a month for bills like utilities. It can also provide furniture for bedrooms, clothing and more.
The program is capable of supporting 30 host homes, and that’s the number that’s needed. For more information about how to get involved, visit the program’s website at thurstontogether.org.
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