Moving goats cruel and not sensible

Thanks to The Olympian and Abby Spegman for the update on the removal of some of my favorite fellow highland hoofers (who have the temerity of living and thriving without proper approval from the authorities), non-native mountain goats. They were captured and moved by state wildlife officials using such simple means as helicopter crews, tranquilizer darts and slings and only losing eight to death and three to euthanization with the goal of moving them to a new home, with the ultimate aim being “to protect people and native plants.”

At the risk of being told to go back to my slimy, dank and light-deprived home at the bottom of Capitol Lake, I would like to propose a similar operation to remove all non-native humans (let’s say everyone who arrived after Juan Perez and/or Captain Cook) from the Olympics and Puget Sound region, with a similar uplifting goal of protecting native people and plants. Of course I would be among the first to be sling-loaded out of here, since I’m non-native, too, along with the descendants of Isaac Stevens and friends. I’m sure there would be a native tribe or two that would be less than disappointed.

And a few more wolves roaming east and maybe west of the Cascades. Makes sense, no?

Gosh, I don’t know, somehow I think those timid mountain bikers and poorly armed hunters that frequent the Olympics would be better served by other endeavors. How about shooting wolves from helicopters? That’s noble, too.